User talk:Randomizing
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Tears of Blood page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:07, January 15, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:31, January 15, 2015 (UTC) Thank You Thank you for your kind comments on several of my CreepyPastas. Getting a nice comment will make my day, and you made one on several of my stories. You're not a bad writer yourself. I think the only thing you're currently missing is a small bit of knowledge when it comes to certain grammatical problems (I noticed you had some punctuation and pronoun errors), but even that will fade as you continue to learn. I wish you the best of luck on all your future stories here. ColorlessAngelz (talk) 03:05, January 18, 2015 (UTC) Article Titles Notification A page you have made has been improperly capitalized and/or punctuated. Please refer to for more information about titles. I have taken the time to fix your title, as only admin, VCROC, and rollback users may modify titles. Because of this, I must ask that you adhere to the standards of titles, or the next time you will receive a ban on editing for a period of time as set out in . Underscorre - Talk to Me 22:19, January 18, 2015 (UTC) :Your pasta can now be found here. Sorry if you couldn't find it, that was a mistake on my part. Regards, Underscorre - Talk to Me 22:22, January 18, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:31, February 9, 2015 (UTC) Re: Story I didn't see too many grammatical issues which is refreshing. Minor wording. "The green in the (his) iris suddenly shrank,", "I used almost all of my strength to scream to (redundant) words I had wanted to say all my life." I would also advise against starting sentences with conjunctions: but, and, because (especially when those sentences start a new line) as it is technically not grammatically correct (although acceptable in dialogue) and it gives the story an unevenly paced feel. I would also shy away from using ellipses outside of dialogue (as is their original purpose) as it can come off as melodramatic. A comma period serves the same purpose and doesn't come off as 'dramatic pause.' The dialogue could also use some re-working: "Why? Why must you torment everyone you pass by? I don't get why you can't just let everyone live their lives normally and just quit at your exasperating behavior? Do the world a favor and go kill yourself. I'm serious, do whatever you can to eradicate yourself off the face of this earth! That is an order!" The 'that is an order' line seems out of place as well as 'eradicate' and 'exasperate'. The larger issues found in the story lie within the plot itself. There wasn't much build-up or tension to this story. The protagonist has issues with his brother. Tells him to kill himself. His eyes change color and the protagonist hides. As an audience, we need more of a threat of imminent danger to make this an involving story. "I prayed that this demon wasn't threatening (me?), and it was just another boy." was a bit of a confusing line. I can understand the assumption his brother is possessed by the change in iris color, but how does he conclude this may be another boy? The final line: "But if he wasn't dangerous, I wouldn't be hiding right now." would be a bit more effective if the audience had a reason or there was a hint dropped about the potential danger. As it stands, the story needs some work. Might I suggest taking it or your next story to the writer's workshop for feedback before posting it to the main site? EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:07, February 9, 2015 (UTC) Writing Tips If you would like to know, I am AGrimAuxiliatrix1, and I recently went through and read all of your Creepypastas and posted a comment on each of them, describing my thoughts. I'm not the best writer ever or anything, but as I read your stories, I just noticed some things that I would like to speak of. If you read all of the comments I left, you will probably notice one element that I usually negatively respond to your story in. I actually have two, so here both of them are. 1. Tense Swaps/Grammar/Spelling: 'In a couple of your stories (especially the longer ones), there are often tense swaps and grammar mistakes. This is easily fixed by just proof-reading the story multiple times, but when left in, it usually confuses the message you try to send to the reader and messes up the sentence. 2. '(Possibly) '''Unintentional Hillarious Moments: '''I'm not trying to say that stories are not allowed to have humor. Actually, I love stories that can have humor and still be scary. However, there are some moments in a couple of your stories that make them more funny than actually being creepy. I feel it worked in "The Happiness Foundation", but it essentially made the story, "How to Write a Creepypasta", just a funny story that was kind of weird. However, I can still praise how creative the plots of your stories usually are. I will admit that "Progress" wasn't exactly creative, but it was still decent. However, "The Unknown Giver" is incredibly original in my opinion, and it probably is your best pasta if you look past the grammar/tense swaps. When you listed your pastas in order from "Best" to "Worst", I would only swap around "Progress" and "The Happiness Foundation". I just thought "The Happiness Foundation" was a more clever story, less predictable, and, despite having tense swaps, it did not have any spelling errors. Hopefully you can understand my complaints and hopefully create more unique and great stories in the future. With that, I bid you farewell. AGrimAuxiliatrix1 (talk) 02:47, February 9, 2015 (UTC)AGrimAuxiliatrix1 =Topic for Contest= A dramatic, dark retelling of a fairytail, or combination of fairytails ShawnHowellsCP (talk) 00:26, February 20, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:30, October 7, 2015 (UTC)